If only it would all fall away

We lay together in the dark, shoulders barely touching and his mouth close to my ear.

“Do you know what happened today? When I was driving to see you? The sky looked so grey. It blended with the road into a path of emptiness that disappeared on the horizon like rain. It made the trees seem so green. It was like a dream…

Do you still dream about me?”

“All the time,” I felt him smile.

I didn’t smile back. I ached to say I dreamt about him but I would have been lying. He didn’t ask.

“You are not in control. You are not in control.” I thought.

Curiousness slides down the back of my throat; slippery and wet.

“What do you dream?”

He doesn’t answer. Thank god.

What exactly am I supposed to think and do and feel right now?

His presence gives me scant comfort and his arm wrapped around my waist feels fake.

I practice. I try to remember those feelings from way back but it falls away like sand through my fingers.

****

I watched him as we stood in the shower. With water running over his face, he looked like he should be my boyfriend. I wish I knew him.

His lips pursed, pushing water away from his mouth as he took a breath, always half smiling. His skin was so tanned on his shoulders but the tone gently tapers into paler flesh on his tight ass. I felt an inaudible moan escape my parted lips.

He caught me watching him and I grinned.

"What?"

He didn't answer. I always like this game.

I pushed his lips against mine and the sound of water gushing over us fell away into the distance.

****

The car responded to my foot on the accelerator. Pushing hard to reach somewhere. I don't know why I'm rushing.