Monday catch up
*After all that whinging about feeling trapped I felt decidedly trapped (but in a good way... no the BEST way) when D arrived at midnight on Wednesday and just... went down on me for HOURS! without my having to even hint. So after my cracking orgasm I had no choice but to revoke all my plans of breaking up with him... in fact I might consider marriage.... hmmm, nah!
*I stupidly thought taking my shy-as boyfriend to my pal's Australia Day bbq (where my ex and his pals would be) was an excellent idea. It wasn't so much an idea as it was MY fucking friend's party and I can do whatever I fucking WANT. Anyway.... it was ok. Actually it was heaps of fun. We got really drunk, there was street cricket, a human pyramid and lots of drinking. Too many D&M's tho. I'm not usually a big get-drunk-and-have-a-deep-and-meaningful kinda gal but 13 hours of drinking in the sun is like the D&M magnet.... this requires back story.
*About 12 months ago I was really good friends with a girl who was going out with my then boyfriend's friends. It was a whole foursome thing (and NO this didn't involve group sex you sick bastards!) Anyway, A (this is THE EX by the way) and I were going through pretty much the most fucked up shit ever. ALWAYS fighting! And of course she was my friend so I (stupidly) thought I could ring her crying and she would offer support. But aparently because I complained all the time about MY relationship she felt that she could never talk to me about her relationship. I was also going through some shit and I'm pretty narcissistic at the best of times so I was probably behaving like the worst friend in the world to her. I don't really know. Anyway, instead of talking to me all my failings as a friend she just kinda broke up with me. Yes that's right people. She rang me one night and gave me this whole "We've have some really good times... but Candice, I don't think we can be friends anymore... blah blah blah!" Fuck that for a joke. Anyway, I'm not saying I was blameless but basically according to her I'm the worst friend ever and it was all my fault.
*Back to Australia Day bbq. So first D&M was with this girl. I was really drunk and I don't really remember was said but basically I was crying and saying "I'm so sorry I was such a bad friend" and she was like "yeah but I forgive you" and to be honest I really feel like she still thinks it was ALL my fault. Well that's the impression that I get. She hasn't said or done anything sober to give me an indication of anything else.
*I really don't need this shit right now. At the worst of times, my self esteem is basically a big reflection of what I think other people think of me and at the best of times its what one or two people I really care about think of me. Right now I know for sure a few people think the world of me but I also know that one or two others think I'm the biggest bitch there is (and to be honest its well deserved). Also my flatmates are pissed at me cos I haven't done any cleaning for like 2 weeks. So essentially I'm of two minds about myself and I'm FUCKING MENSTRAL!!!! So not only do I feel fat and ugly... I AM FAT AND UGLY. Well bloated and pimply anyway....
*Another indepth conversation I managed to drum up out of the depths of drunkeness was with D. I don't really remember what we talked about (and aparently he's had a mild concussion since Wednesday soooooooo... either does he) but it was mostly about A. Like I remember explaining the whole shittest/best 7 years of my life scenario. I don't really know what else I said tho. I know I said some shit about how he shouldn't call me everyday (which is why I was feeling like a trapped rat the other day) and he was like good cos I thought you wanted me to call you everyday and we were really struggling for conversation... so I'm glad we're on the same page there. But the rest is a blur. Let's hope this concussion holds.... I'm SO kidding!
*On Saturday night I did some drunken texting that was so bad I deleted the messages out of my sent box. It just goes to show how manipulative I can be some times. I 'm really not proud of myself and have heard nothing from the individual involved despite my lame attempt at an apology. I'm such a loser sometimes. *shakes head at self*
*I also sent a text to 'hot shit motor bike boy' and nothing came back. :( I guess I should be lucky I'm not complicating my life any further.
*Side note: its 1245am and I'm watching a re-run of Lost and the little black kid just got stolen by sailors and can I just say:
THAT'S FUCKED UP!
Meanwhile Hotdogs is STILL on TV. Oh Channel 10, the shame.
Last of all boys and girls, I learnt this week that drinking four days in row to excess in the best and fastest way to end up alone and depressed. *Takes a bow to sarcastic applause echoing all over the internet*
*I stupidly thought taking my shy-as boyfriend to my pal's Australia Day bbq (where my ex and his pals would be) was an excellent idea. It wasn't so much an idea as it was MY fucking friend's party and I can do whatever I fucking WANT. Anyway.... it was ok. Actually it was heaps of fun. We got really drunk, there was street cricket, a human pyramid and lots of drinking. Too many D&M's tho. I'm not usually a big get-drunk-and-have-a-deep-and-meaningful kinda gal but 13 hours of drinking in the sun is like the D&M magnet.... this requires back story.
*About 12 months ago I was really good friends with a girl who was going out with my then boyfriend's friends. It was a whole foursome thing (and NO this didn't involve group sex you sick bastards!) Anyway, A (this is THE EX by the way) and I were going through pretty much the most fucked up shit ever. ALWAYS fighting! And of course she was my friend so I (stupidly) thought I could ring her crying and she would offer support. But aparently because I complained all the time about MY relationship she felt that she could never talk to me about her relationship. I was also going through some shit and I'm pretty narcissistic at the best of times so I was probably behaving like the worst friend in the world to her. I don't really know. Anyway, instead of talking to me all my failings as a friend she just kinda broke up with me. Yes that's right people. She rang me one night and gave me this whole "We've have some really good times... but Candice, I don't think we can be friends anymore... blah blah blah!" Fuck that for a joke. Anyway, I'm not saying I was blameless but basically according to her I'm the worst friend ever and it was all my fault.
*Back to Australia Day bbq. So first D&M was with this girl. I was really drunk and I don't really remember was said but basically I was crying and saying "I'm so sorry I was such a bad friend" and she was like "yeah but I forgive you" and to be honest I really feel like she still thinks it was ALL my fault. Well that's the impression that I get. She hasn't said or done anything sober to give me an indication of anything else.
*I really don't need this shit right now. At the worst of times, my self esteem is basically a big reflection of what I think other people think of me and at the best of times its what one or two people I really care about think of me. Right now I know for sure a few people think the world of me but I also know that one or two others think I'm the biggest bitch there is (and to be honest its well deserved). Also my flatmates are pissed at me cos I haven't done any cleaning for like 2 weeks. So essentially I'm of two minds about myself and I'm FUCKING MENSTRAL!!!! So not only do I feel fat and ugly... I AM FAT AND UGLY. Well bloated and pimply anyway....
*Another indepth conversation I managed to drum up out of the depths of drunkeness was with D. I don't really remember what we talked about (and aparently he's had a mild concussion since Wednesday soooooooo... either does he) but it was mostly about A. Like I remember explaining the whole shittest/best 7 years of my life scenario. I don't really know what else I said tho. I know I said some shit about how he shouldn't call me everyday (which is why I was feeling like a trapped rat the other day) and he was like good cos I thought you wanted me to call you everyday and we were really struggling for conversation... so I'm glad we're on the same page there. But the rest is a blur. Let's hope this concussion holds.... I'm SO kidding!
*On Saturday night I did some drunken texting that was so bad I deleted the messages out of my sent box. It just goes to show how manipulative I can be some times. I 'm really not proud of myself and have heard nothing from the individual involved despite my lame attempt at an apology. I'm such a loser sometimes. *shakes head at self*
*I also sent a text to 'hot shit motor bike boy' and nothing came back. :( I guess I should be lucky I'm not complicating my life any further.
*Side note: its 1245am and I'm watching a re-run of Lost and the little black kid just got stolen by sailors and can I just say:
THAT'S FUCKED UP!
Meanwhile Hotdogs is STILL on TV. Oh Channel 10, the shame.
Last of all boys and girls, I learnt this week that drinking four days in row to excess in the best and fastest way to end up alone and depressed. *Takes a bow to sarcastic applause echoing all over the internet*
posted by Red @ 1:18 am
2 Comments:
At 12:23 am,
Red said…
"It has been done." *said in dramatic period film voice and then bows outs of the room* :D
Firstly, thanks for your support. Especially as you're having your own self-confidence issues. At least I know you understand how I feel and vice versa.
I'm sorry you're randy and I'm getting some. You have to be warned that I'm indulging in far too much messy detail in the hope I may scare (some particular) readers away...
Last of all but most important: you, me, Newie, pretty dresses plus cocktails are a must. ASAP.
At 11:13 am,
Steph said…
Sounds like you're having a shitful time of it. Don't be so hard on yourself. I know that's easy to say but sometimes you just have to tell the whole world to fuck off.
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