Everything felt wrong

I had my ex over for dinner last night. We made pizzas and drank red wine. It just didn't feel right.

I love him so much. He is wonderful. He is funny, handsome, smart, sophisticated and, as much as he denies it, he is kind and caring. But it just didn’t feel right.

For me, there’s just no spark. He doesn’t make my tummy crazy bubbly nervous and I don’t want to jump him… at all. I just don’t feel like that about him.

But he’s IN LOVE with me! And now he doesn’t want to see me anymore because it is too hard for him. I feel miserable. I want to hug him and tell him it’s alright but I can’t reciprocate his feelings for me.

It’s very confusing for me because I obviously still CARE ABOUT him and I want him to be happy. I know I have to let him go and hope that he will eventually feel differently about me so that we can be friends.

I’ve never felt like this about someone before. I can vividly remember being in love with him but I know I’m not now. I don’t hate him. I’m not angry any more. I want him to be happy and healthy and successful.

I can’t imagine life without him.

It’s desolate.

I’m so upset. I’m mourning a friendship that I thought I had but always suspected was short-lived. I can’t stop crying…