I'm worried...
I think I might be... falling in love.
YES! WORRIED!!
I'm jaded. I'm over love. It hurts too much. It feels wonderful being with them but then you're life just seems to feel empty when they're gone. Pft! Love fucking sucks.
I'm bored with being in love... except it kinda feels nice... I think. Maybe I'm not in love. I thought maybe he said that he loved me while we were away. On our first night away even. But I think maybe I dreamt it. I was really drunk. We drank cocktails and Champagne and Pinot and ate three courses including cheese (mmmm... blue and Pinot are destined to be together) and I think maybe the cheese made me have crazy dreams... cos it usually does... and now I don't know if maybe he did say he loved me and I just rolled over and passed out or if I actually dreamt it. I think maybe I dream it. He didn't say anything about it the next day but then maybe he was too drunk to remember he said it afterall... uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuggggggghhhhhhhhhhhh!!! I don't know!
New flat mate moved in while we were away. My other flatmate (the bestest flatmate ever) is this gay magnet. They orbit around her like moons. Anyway, so Gay moved in and he's excellent. The house has never been this clean. The garbage is always empty and the dishwasher is always full of clean dishes (or on, or empty, or full of dirty ones and I'm going to put it on later... anyway...) So yay! Plus you know less rent.
Planning our trip to Europe for June. Only thing is its horribly hard when you don't know if you have a job at the end of May. Effing cunts aren't telling us til then. Too bad for all the unemployed people who applied. Fuckers! But the plan is going well. I haven't even asked for the time off yet but meh!
Going to see my Dad on Monday for dinner. Bringing boy. Wish me luck! I was going to take him to see my mum as well but when I rang her tonight she was in a cunt of a mood. She is fucking bi-polar I swear! When she answered I knew it was bad. Then I thought she would cheer up cos I was coming to see her. Her biggest gripe was that I didn't ring her or come and see her on the long weekend. I had already told her that I was away and that it was my first real holiday in 2 years and she made a big fucking deal that I didn't make the time to see her. Then when I told her I probably wouldn't be in Australia for my birthday cos I would be in Europe she hit the roof. She started going on about its her 50th next year and if I can afford to go away and go to Europe then I can afford the petrol to go and see her. Then she went on about how I better start saving for a present for her 50th and blah blah blah blah blah. Her favourite thing is to go on about how I pick fights with her. But then all I did tonight was ring her to organise a visit and she starts a fight with me about how I never visit.
I'm looking up blackmarket lithium suppliers as I type this. I'll pop it in a Cenovis Women's Mutli bottle and she won't notice a thing.
It's really distressing for me because I've always wanted a good relationship with my mother. I'm really jealous of girls that go shopping with their mums and talk to their mums about everything. I try to be friends with her but when she attacks me like this without any provocation I can't help but want her completely out of my life. When the mood takes her there is nothing I can say or do to make her happy and she just yells and yells and yells and yells. I ended the call by saying (over the top of her rant) "you wonder why I never want to spend time with you..." and hanging up. I could still hear her yelling as I hung up the phone.
YES! WORRIED!!
I'm jaded. I'm over love. It hurts too much. It feels wonderful being with them but then you're life just seems to feel empty when they're gone. Pft! Love fucking sucks.
I'm bored with being in love... except it kinda feels nice... I think. Maybe I'm not in love. I thought maybe he said that he loved me while we were away. On our first night away even. But I think maybe I dreamt it. I was really drunk. We drank cocktails and Champagne and Pinot and ate three courses including cheese (mmmm... blue and Pinot are destined to be together) and I think maybe the cheese made me have crazy dreams... cos it usually does... and now I don't know if maybe he did say he loved me and I just rolled over and passed out or if I actually dreamt it. I think maybe I dream it. He didn't say anything about it the next day but then maybe he was too drunk to remember he said it afterall... uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuggggggghhhhhhhhhhhh!!! I don't know!
New flat mate moved in while we were away. My other flatmate (the bestest flatmate ever) is this gay magnet. They orbit around her like moons. Anyway, so Gay moved in and he's excellent. The house has never been this clean. The garbage is always empty and the dishwasher is always full of clean dishes (or on, or empty, or full of dirty ones and I'm going to put it on later... anyway...) So yay! Plus you know less rent.
Planning our trip to Europe for June. Only thing is its horribly hard when you don't know if you have a job at the end of May. Effing cunts aren't telling us til then. Too bad for all the unemployed people who applied. Fuckers! But the plan is going well. I haven't even asked for the time off yet but meh!
Going to see my Dad on Monday for dinner. Bringing boy. Wish me luck! I was going to take him to see my mum as well but when I rang her tonight she was in a cunt of a mood. She is fucking bi-polar I swear! When she answered I knew it was bad. Then I thought she would cheer up cos I was coming to see her. Her biggest gripe was that I didn't ring her or come and see her on the long weekend. I had already told her that I was away and that it was my first real holiday in 2 years and she made a big fucking deal that I didn't make the time to see her. Then when I told her I probably wouldn't be in Australia for my birthday cos I would be in Europe she hit the roof. She started going on about its her 50th next year and if I can afford to go away and go to Europe then I can afford the petrol to go and see her. Then she went on about how I better start saving for a present for her 50th and blah blah blah blah blah. Her favourite thing is to go on about how I pick fights with her. But then all I did tonight was ring her to organise a visit and she starts a fight with me about how I never visit.
I'm looking up blackmarket lithium suppliers as I type this. I'll pop it in a Cenovis Women's Mutli bottle and she won't notice a thing.
It's really distressing for me because I've always wanted a good relationship with my mother. I'm really jealous of girls that go shopping with their mums and talk to their mums about everything. I try to be friends with her but when she attacks me like this without any provocation I can't help but want her completely out of my life. When the mood takes her there is nothing I can say or do to make her happy and she just yells and yells and yells and yells. I ended the call by saying (over the top of her rant) "you wonder why I never want to spend time with you..." and hanging up. I could still hear her yelling as I hung up the phone.
posted by Red @ 12:50 am
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