If only it would all fall away

We lay together in the dark, shoulders barely touching and his mouth close to my ear.

“Do you know what happened today? When I was driving to see you? The sky looked so grey. It blended with the road into a path of emptiness that disappeared on the horizon like rain. It made the trees seem so green. It was like a dream…

Do you still dream about me?”

“All the time,” I felt him smile.

I didn’t smile back. I ached to say I dreamt about him but I would have been lying. He didn’t ask.

“You are not in control. You are not in control.” I thought.

Curiousness slides down the back of my throat; slippery and wet.

“What do you dream?”

He doesn’t answer. Thank god.

What exactly am I supposed to think and do and feel right now?

His presence gives me scant comfort and his arm wrapped around my waist feels fake.

I practice. I try to remember those feelings from way back but it falls away like sand through my fingers.

****

I watched him as we stood in the shower. With water running over his face, he looked like he should be my boyfriend. I wish I knew him.

His lips pursed, pushing water away from his mouth as he took a breath, always half smiling. His skin was so tanned on his shoulders but the tone gently tapers into paler flesh on his tight ass. I felt an inaudible moan escape my parted lips.

He caught me watching him and I grinned.

"What?"

He didn't answer. I always like this game.

I pushed his lips against mine and the sound of water gushing over us fell away into the distance.

****

The car responded to my foot on the accelerator. Pushing hard to reach somewhere. I don't know why I'm rushing.

Stolen from SwissTwist

10 FAVORITES

• Favorite Color: Today... pink
  
• Favorite Food: Cheese
  
• Favorite Month: What kind of dumb question is that?
  
• Favorite Song: Loving Gamble Everything for Love still... oh and yay for Alex Lloyd writing good stuff these days
  
• Favorite Movie: American Beauty
  
• Favorite Sport: sport? what?!
  
• Favorite Season: Summer
  
• Favorite Day Of the week: Sunday
  
• Favorite Ice Cream Flavor: Boysenberry
• Favorite Time of Day: 2 am (I'm most productive)
  

9 CURRENTS

• Current Mood: Frustrated and anxious
  
• Current Taste: Still boring 'classic with a twist' old me
  
• Current Clothes: Jeans/skirts and Ts cos its hot
  
• Current Toe nail colour: Silver
  
• Current Desktop: Windows standard cos who gives a fuck really?
  
• Current Time: 10.59 am
  
• Current Surroundings: Computer lab uni very quiet students working... not me tho.
  
• Current Thoughts: I should get to work but Chloe will be here soon
  

8 FIRSTS

• First Best Friend: Rebecca someone who lived across the street from me when I was 3ish
  
• First Kiss: Can't name him he is sooo lame these days... but I was 14
  
• First Screen Name: candito on yahoo! chat
  
• First Pet: A kitty named Sooty that 'ran away' when I was 3
  
• First Piercing: first and last my ears, man that fucking hurt.
  
• First Crush: Some boy that sat next to me in year 2
  
• First Album: A Girlfriend tape
  

7 LASTS

• Last Cigarette: Ewwww!
• Last Drink: Skim flat white that I spilled all over the desk about 30 mins ago
  
• Last Car Ride: This morning to uni
  
• Last Kiss: My ex-boyf (on the cheek) goodbye yesterday arvo
  
• Last Movie Seen: Dodgeball on some pirated dvd on Sunday night
  
• Last Phone Call: Yesterday arvo to convince my current "I don't really need this cos he has a girlfriend" crush to let me drive him to work
  
• Last CD Played: lame emo compilation my ex made me the other week got me through 288 work items last night
  

6 HAVE YOU EVERS

• Have You Ever Dated One Of Your Best Guy/Girl Friends: My ex is still one of my best friends
  
• Have You Ever Broken the Law: My car is currently breaking the law right now
  
• Have You Ever Been Arrested: Yes :(
  
• Have You Ever Skinny Dipped: I can't recall off the top of my head
  
• Have You Ever Been on TV: No
• Have You Ever Kissed Someone You Didn't Know: Every time I get drunk (oh dear)
  

5 THINGS

• Thing You're Wearing: my roomies beeded twisty bangle
  
• Thing You've Done Today: Blogged and read blogs
  
• Thing You Can Hear Right Now: some random boring uni student talking to some other random boring uni student
  
• Thing You Can't Live Without: Coffee
• Thing You Do When You're Bored: Blog

4 PLACES YOU'VE BEEN TODAY

• My room mates room stealing her jewelry while she was in the shower (hehehe)
  
• The bathroom fixing my hair
  
• Cafe at uni getting breakfast
  
• Computer lab wasting time
  

3 PEOPLE YOU CAN TELL ANYTHING TO

• Alicia
  
• Aidan
  
• Mia
  

2 CHOICES

• Black or White: Black
• Hot or Cold: Hot

1 THING YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:

• Fall in love again
  

Procrastination...

Hmmm... see this? This is me not working on my numerous and voluminous assignments.
This is me trying not to think about stupid things like boys and cars and shopping.
This is me not being very successful.
I wish I could find that girl that can spew forth perfectly worded observations about my incredibly boring and pathetic life that make me sound so interesting. I hate the idea of being common place. I hate my own inevitable banality.

Well today I'm just happy I don't hate myself.

I'm too lazy to write something original

No one has to copy. Trix, yours is the only blog I'm truly addicted to. Mwah!

What were you doing 10 years ago?
I was 13. Oh my god I am soooo old. Ummm, I had a random crush on this lame boy who dumped me like three times after being my first pash. My parents got divorced (finally!) High school was the biggest drama.

What were you doing 5 years ago?
I was 18! Getting drunk every weekend, not studying and sleeping with the wrong boys for the wrong reasons. Sooo... pretty much what I've been doing lately.

What were you doing one year ago?
I was on a break with my boyf of about 2 years (on and off for 6) and just found out he slept with a family friend (pretty much the only girl I had trusted him with) But he didn't feel guilty because we were broken up at the time. I was homeless, living with my Gran and friends with the wrong girl.

What were you doing yesterday?
Slept in til forever, made the fattiest breakfast and sat about watching TV. I took 2 hours to get ready and hung out with my unavailable crush instead of working.

5 snacks you enjoy
1. Coffee is a snack, right?
2. Anything with egg in it (quiche, omlette, boiled eggs)
3. Peanut M&Ms
4. Blueberry Bliss (its the only thing that gets me into Grind)
5. Cheese

5 songs you know all the words to
1. "you're the voice" John Farnham (hehehe)
2. "manic monday" The Bangles
3. "Leaving Home" Jebediah
4. "mistaken identity" Delta
5. "gamble everything for love" Ben Lee

5 things you would do if you had a million dollars
1. Donate a lot to charity cos I'd just waste it on shoes
2. Travel
3. Buy a pair of chanel sunnies and christian louboutin shoes
4. Buy my mum a house on the beach
5. Splurge on some seriously good skincare and cosmetics.

5 things you like doing
1. Shopping
2. Pashing
3. Drinking coffee
4. Dining out
5. Drinking with my best girls

5 bad habits
1. Spending too much on luxuries
2. Replacing food with coffee
3. Drinking too much
4. Browsing instead of writing
5. Ditching my besties for sex with random dudes

5 things you would never wear again
1. Jeans that are too baggy around the ass
2. mid drift tops
3. A fairy costume
4. White pants
5. Black nail polish

5 favourite toys
1. My car
2. Boys (hehe)
3. The internet
4. My blog
5. sudoku.com.au

See? Trix I still exist!

7 things I plan to do before I die
1) Get the hell overseas again!
2) Fall in love again
3) Spend more time with my friends
4) Get a real job (that I like)
5) Have a book published
6) Marry for money
7) Take dancing lessons with the (new) love of my life

7 things I can do
1) Dance like no ones watching
2) Bargain
3) Make people love me
4) Criticise the shit out of people I don't know
5) Hand every assignment in at least 2 days late
6) Talk my way out of some sticky situations
7) Help people appreciate the superficialities of life

7 things I cannot do
1) Drive a manual (very well)
2) Not get crushes on unavailable people
3) Vacuum
4) Get to the gym
5) Not be broke all the time
6) Blog on a regular basis
7) Focus

7 things that attract me to the opposite sex
1) Arms!
2) Great smile
3) He makes me laugh
4) When he looks at me like he thinks I'm great
5) He can dance
6) Big fat kissable lips!
7) I feel comfortable enough to talk about random shit

7 things I say most often
1) Fuck off
2) That's hilarious
3) Random
4) Lame
5) Ummm.....
6) Whatever
7) Lots of swear words that start with C

7 celebrity crushes
1) Adam Garcia
2) Orlando Bloom
3) Colin Farrell
4) Harrison Ford (from his Indiana Jones days)
This is hard...
5) Angel from Buffy even after all those hmaburgers
6) The Rock (I'm so lame, I know)
7) James from Australia Idol (oh how I miss you on Sunday nights)

people who need to do this
Meh!