My Japanese Name

My japanese name is 中村 Nakamura (center of the village) 三千代 Michiyo (three thousand generations).
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I don't think I need to remind people that I'm clearly the centre of the universe!

Its about ME! (what a suprise)

I kinda hate these lists of random facts about me. I LOVE reading other people’s lists though. So in all fairness I’m going to post a list of 20 things about me you probably don’t want to know.

1. I’m not really a nice a person. I gossip and bitch about people behind their backs. I have a complete lack of tact at the most inopportune times. I’m selfish, self centred and slightly narcissistic. I constantly battle with these aspects of my personality every day. (YES I’m feeling guilty about something and NO I’m not telling you what.)

2. I adore cooking. I love presenting a beautiful meal to people I love. I love eating and I love eating out. I feel like I have a good relationship with food. I understand the importance of a balanced diet. I think about nutrition and diet daily but its not an unhealthy obsession with my weight. The idea is to keep myself relatively healthy. (Its all the drinking and drugs that really fucks this up.)

3. I’m obsessed with tradies at the moment. I think it’s a throw-back from being in a very intellectual- and emotional-based relationship for the past 3 years. I’m just obsessed with physically fit and attractive guys. Especially if they drive a ute and say incredible boganny things.

4. I hate open cupboard doors. I can’t walk past an open door on a cupboard and not close it. It just looks untidy.

5. I love my Grandma. She’s the only person in my family I have any length of time for… I would do anything for her.

6. My favourite movie of all time is American Beauty. It’s complete. It’s asthetically perfect. There isn’t a word of dialogue, movement of an actor or tiny prop in the background that would change in this movie.

7. I hate it when people can’t talk to me. I know I talk a LOT. But I’m also an active listener. If I ask someone questions and make an effort to show interest in them and they are elusive and uncomfortable I just don’t know what to do. It makes me feel like I’ve failed.

8. I’m really claustrophobic. It’s situational of course. If you can distract me I don’t really notice it but otherwise I start to panic. Like auburn I’m not a big fan of the Tokyo subway. Mostly cos there are lots and lots of people in a big crush. Freaks me out. I drove through that stupid cross-city tunnel the other day (by accident - luckily it was free at the time) and about 3 minutes in I had to put the air conditioning on and I was speeding through at about 100 km/h. My ex once shut me in the pantry at my house and when he finally let me out I slapped him across the face and kicked him out of the house.

9. I will always find the money to go shopping. I should never have kids because I might sell them to buy a pair of shoes. (She jokes… kinda.)

10. I still have that crush on that guy at work. He still has a girlfriend. Its fucking shit.

11. I’ve never had an orgasm from intercourse alone.

12. I hate not being in control. I always have to jump in to help in every situation. I’m a really bad backseat driver. I hate it when people don’t show up on time or aren’t ready when I get there (even though I often get there early so my friends always get pissed at me when I get pissed at them cos they’re not ready). NB I do realise that getting fucked up on ecstasy or alcohol contradicts this rule completely but I guess that’s why I do it.

13. I’m a shoe girl but I hate it when I don’t have the perfect handbag for an outfit (which is often). Normally I pick my shoes first and then the outfit.

14. I cut my hair off on Tuesday.

15. I have so many wonderful girl friends. I don’t what I’ve been doing different in the last six to twelve months but I have met quite a few girls that are closer to me now than the girls I have know for years. I don’t talk to any of the girls in my ‘group’ at school. NONE of them. That’s probably cos they were fucking awful to me to the last one of them.

16. I want to publish a book and move to the south of France. I wouldn’t learn more than a few words of French cos I’m terrible with languages. I would drink wine with every meal. I would drive around in a convertible with big sunnies and a head scarf and a bag of groceries with a baguette in the back. I would fuck lots of smelly French guys but never marry them.

17. I sleep naked. Pretty much all the time. My roommates think I’m weird but I like to let things breathe.

18. My favourite thing to do is to get a bottle (or 5) of wine and a few close friends (or maybe just 1) and eat and talk to the early hours of the morning. I can’t think of anything more relaxing and indulgent.

19. My skin is so fair that I got sunburnt from standing in the sun for about 30 minutes at 5pm on Saturday afternoon. I had make-up on so my face was fine but I have a red sprinkling across my back and shoulders and many new freckles.

20. I daydream too much. I do it all the time. I spend approximately half my life indulged in fantasy. I daydream when I’m driving, at work and before I go to sleep at night. I vague out when someone is talking and sometimes I have to pretend like I know what the fuck they’ve been saying for the last ten minutes cos I wasn’t listening. Don’t worry, this usually only happens when I’m bored.

I’m not going tag anyone cos everyone has already done it.

Trixibella?! Where are you? Thanks for your lovely comment but I think you need a big vent on your blog. You’ll feel better if you let it all out. Sometimes, sweetie, you need to think about you for a change.

My Saturday Night

Last night, to commiserate the complete lack of booty-call receiving from Sydney boy, I got myself incredibly drunk. Embarrassingly drunk even. I blame jelly shots. They're sooooo tasty and therein lies their wickedness. Because they don't taste like a shot you forget that there's alcohol in them and then all of a sudden you're hugging the porceline and moaning because you spewed on your favourite shoes two weekends in a row. Now these babies aren't just any shoes. They are 100% leather upper, strappy pewter Sachi 5 inch stilettos that I totter around in despite any level of inebriation because they are fucking hot. Mmmmmm shoes…

Back to the spewing. (Well not literally because you don’t want to hear about that.) I drank so much last night because I was hoping to spend at least some of this one wedding-free-weekend getting fucked by hot Sydney boy. I called him Thursday night and the phone was engaged. When I finally got through he didn’t answer. So I sent him this message: “Hey, how are u? Are you free for more kisses this wkend? :) Call me”. Note my use of sms abbreviations to appear casual. I thought it was cute, casual and not at all demanding. By more kisses he knows I mean more sex. All good. Anyway, no reply. Nothing. No phone call. No ‘sorry busy this weekend’ text. Fucking nothing! Loser! So instead I went to an ex-boyfriend’s birthday party with the most recent ex and got maggot. It was strange being with the old group of people we used to hang out with as a couple. It was especially strange because one thing I do remember is trying to kiss the birthday boy. My only hope is that no one saw. Especially not his girlfriend. Oh dear!

Angst about Sydney boy compounded my already existing angst about work boy with girlfriend. This angst is way more serious but I was hoping to distract myself by getting some serious booty from Sydney boy. No dice hence drinking to excess. Drinking of course only leads to bad bad things.

I fucking hate this shit. I hate being in limbo with guys. I want to have that comfortable medium of hot hot sex but also knowing they’ll call you when you expect them to. I don’t want lame been-together-for-a-million-years-ness. I just want butterflies in my stomach and then not being disappointed. I actual kinda like being single if it means I get to have sex with hot guys occasionally (and by occasionally I mean every weekend). Am I asking too much, really?

Crushes are fucking lame

I had a complete rant going on here and then fucking blogspot fucking deleted the fucker!

Moral to the story: only bad things happen to desperate and horny people.

Keeping Left

Inspired by Ivory Towers and her completely sensible common sense rules, I too would like to rant about keeping left.

Firstly, just because you're turning right in three suburbs and the road is a bit busy doesn't mean you should cut me off to get into the right lane and then sit at least 15 kms under the speed limit til you get to your turn off. Then when you get there you don't indicate until you're already in the turning lane in which case I've already worked out you're turning right and have had to slam on my brakes because you started slowing down (even more) for apparently no reason at all because you didn't indicate in a timely manner.... but that's another story.

Secondly, if you're a guy and you're walking up the right hand side of the stairs at the pub and a girl is coming down on the left don't just think you can barge into her or make her deviate from her (correct) course just because you couldn't be fucked moving out of the way. For crying out loud!! How rude can Australian males get? In a more civilised society a gentleman would move the fuck out of the way for a lady, doff his hat and say good evening before moving on. And yes, if you do this, I will stare you down and say in a loud and drunken voice "We drive on the left hand side of the road in Australia, mate." At which point you can clock me one (because you're a sexist arsehole that clearly has no respect for women, so what's stopping you from smacking one?) or you can go around me. In a perfect world, you would apologise for your impropriety and go around but then in a perfect world the incident would not have occurred in the first place.

Thirdly, don't fuckin' stand in a walk way and have a chat without expecting people to bump you to get past. And don't give me a dirty look when I do bump you cos you're the fucker standing in my way.

Common Sense Rules

Cos I got tagged by the lovely and eloquent steph (and cos weddings supply ample material) the following are my top 5 common sense rules. PS. Don't you just love the double meaning of common sense rules?
5) Champagne should ALWAYS be on the bar tab
4) If I'm drunk and I haven't tried to pash you its cos I'm not interested so don't get your mate to text me on Monday asking permission to pass on my number. If you don't have the guts to ask me for my own number then you haven't earnt it.
3) ALWAYS try to make it to the bathroom
2) Never have a nap on Sunday afternoon (daylight savings or not) cos you won't sleep properly Sunday night (and that always leads to lazing around not doing your overdue assignment all day Monday)
And most of all ladies and gentlemen, the number 1 common sense rule according the all knowing oracle of 20-something-drunkun-dating is:
1) If a cute guy says he has a girlfriend don't think you can get to know him and don't think you can just be friends cos inevitably he'll be the most wonderful guy you have ever met and crushes will ensue.
Now I'm off to get dressed as said cute guy with girlfriend is picking me up at 3pm.